relationships
What have I become? Maybe I am just curious of how you are doing in your life. I made it this far but somehow tonight was different....as I was lying in bed listening to my music avoiding all "our songs" I still thought of you. Something felt empty and incomplete...I miss Brianpat Bear in my arms while I fall asleep. It made me even sadder seeing him in a picture next to another girl. Am I really replaced already? Cause I feel like even though I dont think of you as much and even though I finally got the courage to avoid you as just being "friends", I still miss you and care about you. Why is it that some people are so selfish? Honestly, if one person loves another person so much...there are sacrifices worth making in a relationship. The hardest path is usually the right path. I believe that relationships, the best ones, takes time and effort. It takes a lot of patience but its worth it in the end. Only the weak ones would give up when they hit an obstacle along the way. Or even worse, run from the one thing that they know that there heart is yearning for. I definitely learned a lot from this relationship. I am not sure what I am still holding onto cause sometimes I think its completely over. However, this is a small world that we live in and I fear the day that I run into you and I will be weak again. I dont really understand relationships...or maybe I just didn't understand you. Obviously, you loved yourself more than me. This was a short path that we traveled together. I try to think about all the good times that we had but that only makes me cry. Then I think about how much I was hurt, and that could leave me crying or being stronger. I hope someday I find something good cause I don't want to be hurt again. Maybe you were my first true love. Or how else can I explain this. One thing is for sure...my blog wasn't found and no effort was made for things to be fixed. Ok this is complete rambling.....it is the truth and feelings shown for awhile. well my screen name is forever as secret......thats all I hide
passing
Haven't updated inawhile and i question why. Perhaps everything is a little better or denial that everything is okay now. But most likely as you said, "passing". Or both of us like to think and pretend it is passing. Why is that some people think a brand new start is so wonderful. Whatever happened to if the past was so wonderful then perhaps it can bring light to the future as well. Anyway, I'll just continue passing along with you or after you cause this is how it is supposed to be. Time surely has passed and nothing has changed...we stand where we are but one thing I doubt is what we're truly hiding deep inside. Maybe as I continue on this road on passing, I will find something and someone better. I ask myself, "What if I found it?" Just too far behind on the road to see it right now.
all i need
Have you ever had a moment when you came to conclusions about your life? When all of a sudden you realize things you never really knew. Inadvertently, these are thoughts in the back of a person's mind and things we try to hide. So last night I sat in my bed thinking...it wasn't like a lonely sad thinking more like happy to know exactly what I want. In terms of the guy I'm still head over heels for, I was always curious why I can't get over it. It is the worst feeling to want someone and not be with them. In this case I think it's a mutual feeling that we both can't detach from. Anyways, I realized it's because he's everything I could want in a guy. I know this sounds stupid but I was just laughing to myself of the silly things he used to do especially the stupid things he would do to make me laugh. It's a rare thing to find someone that you feel comfortable with and act yourself whether its being silly or just plain stupid. I remember one time when he was thirsty so he was pouring water into his mouth upside down, and he was like "im drowning...will you save me". It's sooo stupid but hilarious at the same time. I also remember one time when I pretended I was taking doctor classes and my teacher taught me about sex etc. It was crazy but I laughed so hard. These are all the times that I can't forgot nor can anyone replace. When was the last time someone made me laugh so hard?? When have I felt butterflies towards another guy? When I can say that I've been truly happy with another person and not thought of him?
See once again I would be lying to say I'm truly happy and over it. But I'm happy to know that this is what I need and looking forward to in another person. someday....*sigh*
still caught up on you
Explain to me....why would someone come back into my life so suddenly. Perhaps he realize he misses me? I can't get over him when he constantly comes and goes in my life. And i dont know how to deal when he suddenly talks to me inwhich i'm confused what he wants. It's the same old game cause we're both too stubborn to give in. Well he knows that I would want everything back the way it was before...in a heartbeat. I dont understand why he's so confused about life. Wouldn't I make it easier?
"Eventually all the pieces fall into place, until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason"
we belong together
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, soI should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you goI didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolishI was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
When you left I lost a part of meI
t's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your placeT
here ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear BabyfaceI only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of whatI'm feeling inside
I need youNeed you back in my life, baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
"We belong together" - Mariah Carey
* This song relates to my life....funny how me and al both share this memory of it still*
Goodbye to you
It was foolish of me to think we could reconcile our relationship when obviously I finally got the courage to put my heart out there. And in the end, I have no response back including no emotions revealed. Ain't it funny how I am writing this and the song playing on the radio goes like this "it musta been love but its over now..." I guess thats true in my opinion. I'm not the type to be begging for another chance. At least I can say I tried but I can't fix you..you're on your own now. This shows your character and perhaps I never really knew you. I've changed my ways, wish you could only see with another chance given to something once special. So now I have nothing left to do but to give up. yeah I've become a cynical person and all the hope is passing before my eyes. There's no more room for love and no more disappointments left for my heart. This is my goodbye to you. I doubt you'll find this page...but at least I can say I tried even when I'm scared. Maybe everything I said was overwhelming and scared you away, so maybe you're right all along...I deserve better. Even though you make me smile and laugh for real when I lie to everyone else. You're the only one I can feel real with. The one life makes sense with. Guess it was too comfortable for me to show the truth. I can't regret the past and everything I've done. I believe those that truly care will stay by your side through the good and bad times. I wish you happiness with whatever you choose to do in your life.
Circles
Ever since you left me
I've been trying to hide the pain
Painting on a smile with lipstick
Putting on a big charade
So difficult to keep pretending
It's getting harder everyday
It's plain to see I'm cold and heartsick
Since you turned and walked away
I just keep going round and round
And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down
Oh boy my world has changed
And I don't think I can make it without out
Nothing's the same
You got me running around in circles over you
Everything is you
How can I pull through
My heart is consumed I'm so confused
Still caught up in you...love can be so cruel
Baby don't know how to turn you loose
"Circles" -Mariah Carey
