Thursday, July 28, 2005

the way it is

It's like this cause we keep lying to ourselves. My heart is in it, but I'm starting to realize that I'm too stubborn to give in. As much as I lie to myself and you, that I'm over it or I'm doing fine- I can't fall asleep knowing I live everyday imcomplete and lying. As much as I want to hate you, I dont hate you, not even one bit...perhaps I still love you. I think someday may be today when I give in. I mean whats the worse that can happen. I miss you and everything seems to remind me of you. Who was I to judge waiting for fate when I dont control my own destiny. I guess its better to end it or talk it out because all that I've been holding on to so dear is breaking me up inside. No one can replace you. I also lied...you're not easy to get over. Honestly, I'm not good with love, relationships, or even my feelings. I can express all that fine right now, but I'll just freeze up when I call or talk to you since I refuse to be vunerable. It's kind of pathetic that we continue this game. We just left everything up in the air, and I dont want to spend everyday thinking of you still. I know I still would, but its all or nothing. It's like i'm waiting for a lost cause...a lost cause I should not be fighting for...a hopeless situation that I should lose faith in. Of course, after all the pain I'm still a hopeless romantic. Therefore, I have faith in us. Time will only tell....

posted by CAL @ 10:41 AM 0 comments

Friday, July 01, 2005

letting go...

I heard that forgiving and remembering the positive aspects of a past relationship helps you move on. From breakups, you're supposed to take the strong points and place it on new relationships. Well this may be a learning experience that I have yet to do because I need to let go and believe that we will never be again. Perhaps I should go back to when I was strong and not having you in my life. As I remember the breakup was harsh, all the words said was unforgivable. I dont even know why i let you back into my life. It's only making it harder because you placed me in a position that just confuses me. You don't want a relationship, but you lead me on and end up hurting me. It's time i really let go and move on since me and you will never be the way it was before. We were probably not meant to be. You will never give enough effort for a relationship. I dont know if you are ever capable to...I'm not going to wait around.

posted by CAL @ 4:12 PM 0 comments